


Queer As In Fuck You

by nicostolemybones (fatherlords)



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Punk!Nico, The fic where Nico is gay and angry and punk, solangelo, tw homophobia, tw mild violence, tw reclaimed slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23106310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatherlords/pseuds/nicostolemybones
Summary: Rumours threaten to force Nico out of the closet. Nico is angry and he's done being controlled.I do not give permission for my work to appear on any apps nor do I consent to my work being reposted anywhere. If you see my work outside of my tumblr or outside of any blogs/accounts I mention in my fics, please report/contact them or inform me. If you report them, do not report as if it were your own work.My tumblr is @nicostolemybonesReposted with full permission to Wattpad by solangelo_sun_moon
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Comments: 12
Kudos: 138





	Queer As In Fuck You

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative title: the fuckening

Nico had decided that today was forever going to be referred to as the fuckening. To say Nico was nervous was an understatement to say the least- because today he'd decided that he was finally gonna come out to everyone officially. It wasn't necessarily because he was ready to, but because there were rumours flying around everywhere about him. The first was that he was having an affair with Annabeth and that's why he was avoiding Percy. The second was that whilst travelling with Reyna and Hedge he'd tried to kiss her and that's what they refused to talk about. The third was that Jason had a crush on Nico and Nico was waiting for him to break up with Piper. And the fourth was that Will was obsessed with Nico and stalking him. The fourth annoyed Nico the most- because it framed Will as some kind of predator, and of course, Will was the only openly gay camper at this particular point. And the fact that just because he made the effort to spend time around Nico and actually cared about his health was being twisted. 

Nico could handle rumours about himself. The rumours about girls kept him closeted and whilst it pissed him off that people thought so low of his morals that he'd cheat, he was used to being painted as the bad guy, and besides, everybody thought he was too weird to ever be loved. But it was hurting others too. It was hurting Annabeth and Percy and Reyna and Jason and Piper, even if they knew the truth.

But Will? Will didn't need this. It rubbed Nico up the wrong way that they'd accuse his boyfriend of being a stalker or being predatory or obsessed towards Nico, especially as it was convenient that nobody slapped the same label on anyone else at camp who showed interest in somebody in some way. No, because only the gay guy could possibly be a predatory person. 

So Nico was going to announce his sexuality and his relationship to camp, because he could see that the rumours were starting to get to Will. At first it was small things- Will stopped leaving good morning texts when he woke up at 5am. Things like Will waiting for Nico to sit at the Apollo table rather than waving him over. And then it was the big things, like Will only seeing Nico after campfire so people couldn't comment on the amount Will called him into the infirmary, and the way Will had asked him if he made Nico uncomfortable, to the time he'd seen Will shaking with anger and on the verge of tears when a 'concerned' camper tried to warn him off. 

So Nico was going to come out. Because the rumours were too much and it was hurting the people he cared about. And he knew- he knew there'd be more vicious rumours afterwards, but at least he could control them, correct them, shut them down. He wanted to be in control of the situation, and he couldn't do that from in the closet. 

Nico wouldn't have chosen to come out just yet, not if the rumours weren't there. It was a shit situation, which angered him, because it shouldn't have to be. He should be able to come out comfortably, but instead, he'd be coming out so he could take control back of his own narrative. It angered him because he'd been painted this picture of this progressive society where people could be openly gay and gay marriage was legal and people could come out without fear- except that wasn't everyone's reality. It wasn't Nico's. And he kept seeing this push to silence his experiences- to cut them out of fiction and cut them out of discussion because society was progressive now and nobody needed or wanted to see the struggles when they could show a happy life. Except Nico did. Nico needed to see people struggling like him, laying awake at night feeling scared and alone and rejected and wrong to know he wasn't alone, to know he could come out the other side. He needed to see the pain to see that it wasn't a tragedy. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows and it certainly wasn't for Nico. 

So Nico was angry, because he'd been sold an image, a faceless image, of this amazingly accepting place where he could feel safe, except he didn't, and that made people uncomfortable. It made him feel guilty for his struggles with his past, his struggles with microaggressions, his struggles with internalised homophobia, because when he created, vented, his experiences were reduced to a tragic trope doing more harm than good. Nico felt silenced. He wondered how many like him, venting and speaking up about lived experiences through art and writing, were shot down for doing so. 

Nico was angry because he'd been introduced to this amazing community only to find the beginnings of toxicity and identity policing rooting in the fringes online. Nico was angry because he'd been told the world was accepting to find out some still paid the price with their lives or their freedom. Nico was angry because the only rep he could find was dead, on screen for two seconds, stereotype, unnecessarily sexualised, predatory, or bootlicker. Nico was angry because he'd grown up in a time where he learned fear, to be then told of the wonders of modern society, to be shamed for his learned fear, to then find out that the reality was still scary and unsafe for many.

He was happy for those who were accepted and comfortable, for those who were open and free, for those who could rise above the hate, for people like Will who felt able to freely express their identities. Of course he was happy, and of course he wanted their stories to explode across the media and give others hope. Of course he wanted to get away from Bury Your Gays. But he wished that wasn't at the expense of people like him telling their realities. He wished you could have both side by side, not at odds. Because experience was diverse, and the push to homogenise the portrayal of the gay experience into either perfectly happy or tragically horrible was seriously tearing the community apart and leaving people feeling frustrated and silenced on both sides. 

Nico was angry because his reality right now was uncomfortable and his reality was one of pressure. He had to come out because he had to take back control of his own narrative. He was angry because he wasn't the first and he wouldn't be the last. He was angry because he knew if he spoke about how he was violently outed, he'd hear the whisperings of shared experience amongst kids too young to be facing prejudice. He'd have year round campers look to him for advice on how to be like him, how to come out and be happy when their own situations were bleak. 

The first thing he'd tell them was that being gay isn't a tragedy or a death sentence. The tragedy is the existence of prejudice. The next thing he'd tell them is that yes, for some, it was gonna hurt and it would be hard. You'd feel like a newborn deer balancing dangerously on thin cracking ice with no guidance. He'd tell them that yes, safe spaces could be invaded by arseholes and you'd cry and rage and question. But he'd also tell them that that didn't mean they couldn't be happy and comfortable. He'd tell them that they didn't have to come out. He'd tell them that it was okay if all they could do was turn the closet light on to see themselves. He'd tell them that it was okay to exist in your own space and your own head whilst you learned how to navigate the world. He'd tell them that nothing could take away the labels they chose or chose not to take. He'd tell them that they could find power in simply existing. But above all he'd tell them to sing their truths, to create, to vent, to put into prose the pain or the joy or the duality of experiencing both at once. He'd tell them to delve deeper and learn and reach out and accept. He'd tell them to tell the stories they needed to see to feel heard and to heal, whether that be fairytale or tragedy.

Nico would tell them that even if they felt like their hand was forced, that their cards were ripped from their hands and laid bare for all to see, that they could still take back control. They could do what they needed to feel safe, hide if needed, or spit in the face of oppression with a 'so what?'. He'd tell them to fight back if they could fight comfortably, to protect those who couldn't fight for themselves, to find allies and comrades who would boost their voices.

And Nico realised that yeah, fuck it, he'd never been more ready for the fuckening. Because yes, he was still in pain and he was still scared. But fuck the people who made him feel silenced. He refused to be. He was fighting back. He was gay, he was a man in love with a man, a man who held hands with a man, a man who kissed a man, a man who would one day live with a man and fuck a man and unapologetically marry a man. And loving men wasn't all he was, but it was damn important to him and he'd be damned if anyone tried to strip it from his identity. He was scared and he was struggling and he was shamed but he wasn't ashamed to say that he was different. You know what? He was the fuckening and that was a fucking threat.

So yes. Nico's narrative was never going to be sunshine and rainbows. It had been fear and persecution and shame and war and oppression and pain. But now? Now it was a fire, the embers of self-acceptance and self-love glowing in his soul, the sparks of rebellion and pride igniting the flames of passion and rage and all things fuck you.

Things had to change. Nico refused to be silenced and spoken about in a way that he didn't want to be. They'd learn soon enough. Respect his existence or expect resistance. He'd control the rumours now. They wanted something to talk about? They could talk about this.

So Nico pulled on Will's pride vest, and pulled on his own black and pink jeans heavy with chains, and pulled on his biggest angriest boots, and pulled on the black leather waistcoat he'd taken the time to paint and sew with patches and slogans, and he put on his skull necklaces and his black lipstick and raccoon eyes eyeliner and he ruffled his hair until it looked like a bird's nest and he put on his playlist full of rage and gay and shouty lyrics full blast knowing it could be heard through his earbuds and he stepped out of his cabin with his best murderwalk because yes he would stomp on you if you dared say anything, because he wasn't a doormat anymore and he refused to be. He was gay and angry and he'd ripped off the duct tape society had glued to his mouth and he was screaming with confidence and radiating death because fuck society for making him feel like this.

"I'm only gonna say this once," he began firmly. People listened because he made them listen for once. He wasn't done talking and boy would they know it. "If anybody dares to accuse Will of anything ever again, I will come for you, and I will damn you to Tartarus, capisce? You do not get to make rumours about me and my private life. How dare you use me for your sick entertainment, how dare you drag my friends into it. You should be ashamed of yourselves! I am not some article in a gossip magazine for you to fawn and speculate over. I'm not some kid you can poke fun at. Will isn't some uwu gay best friend you have and he's not some butt sex obsessed fiend. And neither am I. We're just two pissed off queers who are sick of your shit and from now on if you've got something to say about it you say it to my face, you got that? You put your money where your mouth is and you face me you fucking cowards. See if it's still funny or exciting to call us slurs behind our backs when an angry faggot is done being scared. Shout at me what you like because I've reclaimed it all. You do not get to silence us, you do not get to control our narratives, you do not get to police our identities and our relationships. Respect our existence or expect resistance, you got it? Good. You wanna learn how to be an ally? Listen to us. Will's happy to educate you and so is Google. You're an ally to all or an ally to none. You don't get to pick and choose which parts of the community deserve respect. So yes, I'm fucking gay as fuck for Will Solace and if you got a problem with that then tough!"

An Ares camper rose to his challenge. Walked to his face and spit at his feet. Nico elbowed his face and kicked his nuts and shoved his face into the dirt. "I wouldn't do that, pretty boy," Nico warned, resting his boot on his cheek. "Anyone else wanna try me? No. Good." Nico let him go and walked straight over to Will, who was staring with his mouth open. Nico was terrified of the crowd still watching but fuck them Nico was feeling brave and bravery wasn't the absence of fear. He was gonna live and living meant pushing through it all. 

"Wow," Will managed, "gods, just kiss me, fuck, that was- just wow!" So Nico did. Nico kissed him there and then, in the middle of camp, in front of everyone, because dammit he was a man who loved men and Will was his man and he was pissed off and living off spite. He had a point to prove and that point was that his existence was not up for debate. And boy did he intend to make it loud and fight for others who needed it.


End file.
